But You Scared Me the Most by John Manderino

Author:John Manderino
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Chicago Review Press
Published: 2016-08-15T04:00:00+00:00

THE MUMMY

I still haven’t cried. That’s not good.

It’s been snowing since this morning. I’ve closed the blinds, wrapped myself in an afghan, and hunkered down on the floor in front of the television. Boris Karloff is wearing a fez and a long, narrow robe. He doesn’t move his arms when he walks or allow anyone to touch him. When the professor offers his hand to shake, he stands there looking at it.

I called the office earlier and told Rhonda I wouldn’t be in, that I have a “stomach issue.” The truth is, I’m staying home waiting to cry.

Last night Jerry said to me, “Allen, I’ve met someone.”

I didn’t know what he meant. I said, “Oh? Who?”

“His name is Brian.”

We were doing the dishes. He was washing, I was drying.

“Brian,” I said.

“Yes,” he said, and explained what he meant.

Then I did have a stomach issue. I gave him back the plate he had just handed me, hurried to the bathroom, and threw up in the toilet.

Jerry stood in the doorway. “Allen, I am so . . . so . . .”

I stepped over to the door and closed it in his face, locked it, and returned to the toilet. I was honestly wishing I could throw up my heart along with the mac and cheese we’d eaten twenty minutes earlier. When I was through I washed up at the sink. Then I held on to it with both hands, head bowed, and waited for the salty waters to come pouring forth.

I’m still waiting. Jerry’s been gone since last night and I’ve yet to shed a single fucking tear. That’s not good. That’s not healthy.

The movie shows a close-up of Boris Karloff staring into the camera with his mesmerizing eyes.

Oh, go away, you silly man.

Know who would love this movie? Jerry. He would have taken this movie very seriously. Boris Karloff returning from the dead to search for his reincarnated girlfriend—Jerry would have found that incredibly romantic: Think of it, Allen, his love has lasted through thousands of years.

And yours lasted less than three, you shit.

You shit.

The truth is, Jerry was a lot of talk. I’m not saying he was insincere. I’m sure he meant every loving thing he ever said to me, just as I’m sure he means every loving thing he’s telling this Brian person now.

Boris Karloff finally meets Helen. She’s the one. And when he gets her in an ancient Egyptian eye-lock, she recalls in a murky way what they had together twenty-seven hundred years ago. I do a quick calculation: if each of her incarnations lasted an average of seventy years, she’s been through something like forty other lives since she and Boris were an item.

I’m a cost accountant for Whitney Imports.

And yet he still reaches her, through all those other lives, Jerry would be saying. That’s how strong their love was, Allen. That’s how powerful.

And I’d be saying, Jerry, the man wants to turn her into a living mummy like himself—does that sound to you like a healthy relationship?

He would tell me I was absolutely hopeless.

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